Blunt the knives, bend the forks,
Smash the bottles and burn the corks,
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Cut the cloth and tread the fat,
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat,
Pour the milk on the pantry floor,
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl,
Pound them up with a thumping pole,
And when you’ve finished if any are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!